Here are a couple examples:
How to Wipe Your Ass Properly.
Sorry kid, but one swipe of your butt cheek wont always clean it. I remember having to tell my daughter that if the toilet paper doesn't come back clean after you wipe, grab another piece and repeat the process until it comes back clean. Skid marks and smelling like shit are not so lady like these days. But hey, if I don't tell her, who will? Her first boyfriend, when she's thirty?
Listen ladies, just because it grows there, doesn't mean it should STAY there. I actually used to have a female coworker that had a mega mustache. Her mother actually worked for the same company as us. This chick had the nastiest girl mustache I have ever seen. The hairs were long and thick. It was totally obvious, regardless of lighting. You could see it from across a room. All I could think of is, "Why, when the rest of the world can see this girl's giant mustache, has her mother not taken this bitch to get her shit waxed?" It was terrible! If I saw my daughter was growing weird facial hair, at ANY AGE, I would be the first to point it out to her, rather than let it drag out into her thirties until an old coworker decides to blog about it. Wax, ladies! Don't be scared! C'mon, moms! Do society a favor, and tell your daughters they shouldn't have mustaches. If you don't tell them, I will via blog! Haha.
How to Use a Tampon.
This is a conversation I've been dreading since I found out I was pregnant with a daughter. It's not going to be comfortable for either of us, but I'd rather give her the facts on periods rather than her listening to stupid friends, or worse yet, figuring it out on her own. We are talking cleanliness, length of time between changing, what you can and can't do while surfing the crimson wave.
I remember I was 12 when I got my first period. Conveniently, I was at my dads house and had to call my mom for help. I remember she brought over maxi pads and showed me how they work. She also gave me the old, "Well, Sara. Now that you've started menstruating, you can get pregnant." Ack! I wish she would've told me that most women stopped using maxi-pads back in the 90's. Oh well. If she didn't come over and tell me what the hell I was supposed to do, who would have?
Using Proper Grammar.
Well, hell fire shit the bed! Them theyre be a grammar POlice badge. I hads one of they classes back when I wuz in the second grade. I gots me a edjumacation.
Think about it. Your kid's teacher has at least 25 other little brats to contend with on a daily basis. If you hear your child mix up words, grammar, or mispronounce things, do them a favor by kindly correcting them. Learning shouldn't stop at the end of the school day.
Cleaning Your Ears
I actually remember making fun of a kid in middle school because he had the nastiest, waxiest, dirtiest ears I have seen to date. Teach your kids to clean their ears, as well as how to prevent doing permanent damage with a q-tip. Or they will be made fun of. By me.
Enough said there. Asshole parents raise asshole kids. Don't be an asshole.
How to Bathe Properly.
This is actually my current beef I'm having with Haylie. Not only do you need to teach your kids how to wash their hair thoroughly and make sure that all of the product is rinsed out, you have to make sure they are also cleaning their unmentionables. All sorts of problems can come with female parts if you don't wash properly, as well as making sure you get all the soap out of your crevices. Seriously, if you don't tell your kids how to stay clean and hygenic, who will? The doctor, after they pop up with a weird bacterial infection? Their classmates, when they make fun of them for having dandruff when it's really just leftover shampoo?
Washing Your Face.
Since I was a teenager to present day, I am constantly getting compliments on my skin. My skin is very clear and soft. And I owe it all to my mom, who struggled with acne waaaaay back in the day. She taught me how to take care of my skin, handle break outs properly, remove makeup, and the importance of staying out of the sun. This is knowledge I plan to pass down to Haylie. I had to mention this because if my mom hadn't have told me how important it is to keep my face clean, I don't believe I would have the skin that I do today. I'm pushing thirty and often mistaken for twenty. Better to look younger than older! Thanks beez.
Accept People's Differences
A couple of weeks ago, my daughter and I were driving when she asked me, "Mom, have you ever heard of a girl falling in love with another GIRL!?" Woah! Did my five year old actually just ask me that? This was my one and only opportunity to make or break it for her....
"Yes, honey. And sometimes boys fall in love with boys. People can fall in love with anyone they want. Doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl." She took that answer happily and went on her way. I think that simple conversation would have a lasting impression on her. There are no guidelines as to who you can and cannot fall in love with. If I didn't tell her, who would? What answer would she have gotten from someone else?
In addition, there are a multitudes of other topics that people don't look forward to talking to their kids about, like safe sex, pap smears, STDs, budgeting, religion, and the fact that professional wrestling is fake. I loathe the day that I'll have to explain to Haylie that she didn't "hatch" out of an egg I laid... she came out of me regular style, tearing me from end to end. Parents have to jump at the opportunity to have these conversations with their kids to ensure they get the right information. Don't be scurrd!